Me, My husband and his HAMS

The fact that man like to BBQ is well known !

My husband likes to BBQ too. So, a few years ago I gave him a BBQ for his birthday and not just a BBQ … No , a REAL Weber !

That summer we got a visit from a Canadian friend and he was teaching Sander how to BBQ like a real American / Canadian man.

This meant :
- Women out of the way
- No viewers in general, but mostly NO women
- Lots of burning things on it
- Save distance ( save for men – which means .. right next to the BBQ )
- BIG blow-pipe flame ( no need to wax those eyebrows )

Okay, my husband was fully trained ! He had his Weber and his course was completed with the lessons how to make the biggest blow-pipe flame.

Than he wants to make a ham … I have to tell you about all 4 hams that have passed since he got the BBQ.

Know, this takes a few years , about 3 passing 4 hams ! He had also gotten a REAL WEBER cookbook from me, so the mistake does indeed start with me !

Ham 1 ( which succeeded ! ) :

S ( Sander ) : I see a good recipe for a ham here !
M ( Marga ) : Oh, nice
S : I think I am gonna make it
M : But I don’t like hams
S : No problem , the more there is for me
M : …..
–
S is very enthousiastic about making the ham … and indeed it looks very tasty, right as it should be. S always does get excited VERY much when something succeeds ! So, be warned, because there are 3 more hams coming !

This is how the ham looked – HAM 1 -

A summer later :

Ham 2 :

S : I thiiiink I am gonna make that ham again
M : What ham ?
S : That one I made last year !
M : But the weather sucks
S : That doesn’t stop me !!

- okay … stupid thought ladies … NEVER say the weather is not good for the BBQ -

M : Okay … we will get one , but make sure you make it than

We got the ham and … did it get made ? Noop ..
Months later in the freezer I still see the poor ham … way past the due date …. so M says goodbye to the ham and throws it away.

M : I threw away the ham
S : What did you do that for ?
M : It was way passed the date , even for in the freezer
S : No way !
M : … – yes way -
S : Now I have to get a new one !!!
M : ( bit angry ) You are NOT getting a new one, because you are NOT making it and I am NOT gonna throw away another ham !!!
S : Gggrrrrr

Unfortunately for ME … the same week they have the HAM as an offer at the supermarket. I try to work my way around that counter … but no … I don’t know HOW he did it, but he found the ham. With a HUGE proud smile on his face he shows me the ham and throws it in the cart ! Okay … this is HAM number 3 !

Ham 3 :

M : You are gonna make this one than , right ?
S : Yeah, I promise …

Okay … several months later ( repeat the conversation of Ham 2 ) I throw away the ham again, because also this one has never seen the light of the blow-pipe flame !

Eventually he persuades me again when months later there is AGAIN a ham as an offer. I am REALLY thinking he is playing under the same roof with the supermarket. He is paying them or something to offer the hams … I am sure !!

Ham 4 :

M : S !! YOU are NOW really gonna make it, because if I have to throw it away again … I am gonna crack open someones skull with it
S : …. eeehhh, okay

And FINALLY YESSSS , he takes the ham out of the fridge and pokes up his BBQ. S completely happy … feeling as a man, play with fire and has his ham in his hands. Can a man be any happier ? I don’t think so.
As a woman I see a ‘little boy’ being happy. I think all women with BBQ-ing men know what I mean. It is a boy with a toy ! Right ?

S puts the ham on the fire ( after almost burning down my complete garden with the huge flames, but hey … anything to make that man happy, right ? ).
S is indeed happy, ham is on the BBQ and S takes up reading his book.

( Have I ever told you that when my husband reads a book you cannot get through to him , even if you were choking or whatever ? ). Well, turns out … the ham can’t get through either or did I spoil the end now ?

After some hours :
M : S … the ham …
S : … ( no contact )
M : S … hellooowww
S : …. ( no contact )
M : S HOW IS THE HAM DOING ?
S looks up totally surprised seeing me saying : wha ??
M : The ham ?? How is it doing ?
S : Gets big eyes … throws down the book and runs outside
( where I already see a nasty smoke coming from the Weber )
M : … and ? ( – okay, never ask that when you know the answer is hilarious )
S : I don’t think he made it
M : What ?
S : Well, he has a crust now … you like crusts , right ?
M : S, what the heck did you do ?
S : Well, it got burned a little … not much

( when my husband says ‘a little’ he means a crust of at least 5 cm thick )

M : walking to the Weber seeing the totally SHRUNKEN ham , completely black … : Is that the same ham or are you just pulling my leg here ?
S : Showing signs of being embarresed : Uhm … I think it is the same … nobody came into the garden, right ?
M : GOD S ! Throw it away and this was really the LAST ham !
S : No nono , please it is still good, really. I will cut of the crust oof, you will see it is still good !

Minutes later he is finished cutting of the crust and indeed … he IS right … underneath it is still good … the 1 square cm that is left … it is still good.

He eats it proudly and afterwards says : Oh, that tasted really good and the burned stuff made it even better, it tasted like REAL BBQ- meat … Maybe next time ….

Okay, … here I gave up !!!